Source : Globe & Mail

First, briefly back to the election-night TV coverage.

The killer line of the night, delivered after I'd written my review for yesterday's paper, came from Adam Vaughan on CITY-TV. It was put to him that the media had been hard on the Liberals. Vaughan sounded very much like his late father, political broadcaster Colin Vaughan, as he adopted a skeptical tone and said: "The Liberals have snatched defeat from the jaws of complete decimation." The runner-up for best line was Mike Duffy on CTV, who coined the phrase "Liberal stickability" to describe the early trends.

Next, looking forward, I have to wonder how the Canadian television landscape will look under a Conservative government. I believe I know.

For the new season of Corner Gas, the show is set in Cow River, Alberta; Brent wears a Stetson every day and often remarks that the folks from the oil company are really, really nice. The special-of-the-day at the Ruby Café is always beef. At regular intervals, somebody mentions mad-cow disease but Oscar always responds with, "Jackass!"

Over at Global, the second season of Falcon Beach is filmed entirely on the indoor beach and wave pool at the West Edmonton Mall.

At CBC, Da Vinci's City Hall is cancelled. The Corp. replaces it with Calgary Good Times, a drama about a crusading economist who runs for office, wins and fights corruption in the federal government. At the office, our hero wears a suit and at home, he wears a leather vest and a cowboy hat. His wife, a blond, rides a motorbike. Rick Mercer's Monday Report becomes The Rick Mercer Alberta Report. Rick's new sidekick is Western Standard publisher Ezra Levant, who gets to do the rants.

On the new season of Trailer Park Boys, Ricky quits swearing because "cousin Steve from Alberta" told him to.

Global appears at a special hearing of the Canadian Radio-television and Telecommunications Commission (CRTC) and announces that it has taken the master tapes of My Fabulous Gay Wedding and buried them deep at sea, where they belong. The CRTC orders Country Music Television (CMT) to move to Calgary, where it belongs. It orders SCREAM, the all-horror channel, to stay in Toronto, where it belongs.

CBC's Conservative-friendly strategy fails. Robert Rabinovitch is fired as president and replaced by Peter Kent. President Kent announces that CBC will no longer make miniseries about dead politicians of dubious lefty backgrounds, such as Pierre Trudeau, Tommy Douglas and René Lévesque. He orders up a miniseries to be called Stock Day: The Most Misunderstood Politician of his Day. According to Kent, Stock Day is to be played by Ian Tracey and Nicholas Campbell is to play Preston Manning.

Rex Murphy is fired after he declares in his Point of View that you couldn't find somebody to take care of your cat for a dollar a day. George Stroumboulopoulos quits ending The Hour by saying "That's time!" and begins declaring, "It's the West's time!"

Stephen Harper's wife Laureen Teskey, who has already written twice to the TV Cranny, begins writing weekly to declare that Diva on a Dime is her favourite show. When I suggest that Teskey would make an ace host of Diva on a Dime, Kent is fired as CBC president and I am appointed to replace him. Unfortunately, the CBC is now reduced to an obscure digital channel, with a single viewer named Jack Layton. An election is then called and everything returns to normal.

After the election, on Trailer Park Boys, Ricky starts swearing again and says that "cousin Steve from Alberta" was a figment of his stoned imagination. CTV announces that Corner Gas is on a long hiatus because the cast is feeling poorly after eating so much Alberta beef.

Brace yourselves. I have.

The fifth estate (CBC, 9 p.m.) returns to the community of Bountiful, B.C., where it first went in 2003. Back then, the program looked at a Bountiful-based group, a breakaway sect of the Mormon Church. The sect, part of the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, believes in the importance and sacredness of polygamy.

For many viewers, that original program was unnerving and creepy as it painted a picture of middle-aged or elderly men with multiple wives, some of those wives being teenaged girls. Hana Gartner conducted a tense interview with a prickly Winston Blackmore, the leader of the sect.

Since then, the RCMP has been investigating allegations of child abuse in Bountiful. As this new program reveals, the community is deeply divided. For a start, the leader of the sect in the U.S., one Warren Jeffs, is now on the FBI's most-wanted list. He is charged with child sexual abuse and racketeering. Utah's attorney-general, interviewed here, is livid at what he sees as the long list of criminal activities carried on by members of the sect.

In Bountiful, the Warren Blackmore Hana Gartner meets is not the man she met a few years ago. He's been stripped of power and excommunicated for his failure to support Jeffs. Mind you, there is speculation that he is manoeuvring to replace Jeffs as the main leader.

This is one tangled story. There's a private eye who has spent several years looking for Jeffs. There's a newly built Texas compound that is ominously remote and well guarded. There's the sect motto, "Keep Sweet," which really means "keep quiet."

According to Gartner, two of Blackmore's approximately 20 wives recently got married, to each other. The twists and turns in the tale beggar description here.

Dates and times may vary across the country. Check local listings.

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